so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
