Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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