i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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