EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
