i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
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her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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