No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
