i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
