I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
