True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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