you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
