sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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