Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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