I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
