I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He has the fingertips of a God
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
