it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
