Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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