the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize