so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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