Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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