went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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