im six kinds of drunk right now
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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