He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
