Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
