Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
