"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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