I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
