did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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