WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's shark week go big or go home
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
