was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
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Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
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Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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