i permit you to call me
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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