If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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