He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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