How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
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My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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