why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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