hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
