ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
