Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
