I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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