No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
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figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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