Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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