I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
