I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
