You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
