Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
