my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize