and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
