kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
