I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
