Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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