The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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