im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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