Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
