I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
