the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
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Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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