He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
