I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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