Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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