That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
