Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
