I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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