I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
okay pat passed out under dana's car
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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