I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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