ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
