Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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