new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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