I never want to see another naked old woman again.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
