NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
