alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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